Braver Together

Healthy Boundaries

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1–2 minutes

Creating a boundary with someone who is struggling is very hard, especially someone you love. They may be engaging in negative coping mechanisms that are impacting you and others around you, and it can become very overwhelming. If you are like me, you will then shoulder more responsibilities just to keep the peace, or just try to ignore the negative behaviour in hopes it will go away.

In fact, many times just accepting the behaviour doesn’t make it go away… it only makes your own health suffer. This is why it’s important to create healthy boundaries.

What is a Boundary?

Boundaries are defined rules or limits that someone establishes to protect their security and wellbeing around others; we identify and express how other people can behave around us so that we feel safe. Boundaries can include setting expectations about how much alone time you need in a romantic relationship, preventing family members from speaking negatively about loved ones, or establishing physical safety measures when spending time together. They can be an important tool to help us feel secure in our surroundings and with other people, creating an environment for each person to be themselves and have their needs met.” (Depression and Bipolar Alliance)

How Do We Create Boundaries?

8 Tips on Setting Boundaries for Your Mental Health

Read Here

Boundary – Settings and Mental Illness

Read Here

Setting Boundaries with a Person with Depression

Read Here

One response to “Healthy Boundaries”

  1. FancyNancy Avatar
    FancyNancy

    Having these conversations with loved ones with mental illness are vital not only for yourself but also for the loved one with mental illness. As “harsh” as you might think you are (which you are not by the way, if you set these boundaries with love and kindness and an explanation), it is so important that the loved one knows your “limits”. This does not mean you are weak, struggling, or even not caring or loving enough. What this means is that in order to care about others, you MUST care about yourself.

    I struggle with mental health issues and I’ve had a partner with severe mental illness, so I sort of know both sides. I’ve learned that I need to set boundaries with others just as much as they need to set boundaries with me.

    Once, a very good friend of mine gave me a boundary. She was having a lot going on in her own life, head, and health and I needed to give her some space. This did not mean we couldn’t talk, or that we couldn’t spend time together, what this meant is that I needed to find someone else to talk to about my own mental illness issues.

    It was so hard to hear this because I felt instant rejection but over time I realized that she too needed time. She too needed grace. She too needed time to reflect and time to sort out whatever was happening in her life and that it was now my role to support her. To listen to her, to care for her, to encourage her, and yes to drop off a few dinners for her as well.

    Yes, I was hurt initially but realized that not only was this the best thing for her but the best thing for me.

    Since my depression/anxiety is helped somewhat by talking, I was at a lost. Who do I talk to now?

    That’s when professional resources come in handy.
    COAST in Hamilton is an amazing resource and yes, I called them a few times. They truly helped by giving me actual activities to help lesson my anxiety, right then!

    I found an amazing therapist who listened. I gave my friend space. We both felt rejuvenated during this time and she let me know when she was able to listen to me again.

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