Reframing Debt

Eleven years ago, I found myself in debt. It wasn’t like a $300 credit card debt… it was **gulp** $26,000 credit card debt. And I kept it to myself.

It wasn’t like I had intended for it to get that bad. But we had a house, and then my husband’s mental health tanked, so that’s when everything started to fall apart. It wasn’t extravagant shopping sprees or pricey dinners. It was a GO Train pass to work, groceries this week, gas the next… something needed fixing in the house.. put it on the card. But it wasn’t just the credit card – it was the overdraft. Just this one time, I told myself… then I remember getting the letters from the bank. I was stuck… no.. I was drowning. And I didn’t tell anyone.

It’s not always a lack of financial literacy that gets people in these situations. I think it’s easy to look at someone and assume they are just really bad at money. It’s a complicated mess, especially when you are carrying the financial burden. It’s not a case of not understanding…. it’s a case of being overwhelmed. And you just continue to NOT tell anyone.

Until I did. It wasn’t a pleasant conversation. It was shame and embarrassment. But when I finally asked for help, loved ones stepped up. Even though I had a long way back, I knew, with help, eventually I would get there.

I’ll tell you something… that fear.. it never goes away. There are still nights when I lay awake with that same impending doom gnawing away at my stomach. I recently bought myself a small budget book to help me track some financial goals. I think taking that deep breath, forcing myself to look at the reality of the numbers, and then launching into a plan will provide a better outlook.

The important point to remember is that just because you aren’t financially in a good place, it doesn’t define who you are. But if I can offer any advice… it’s to tell a trusted friend. Don’t stay in that silence like I did. It only eats away at you, and it will get worse.

You aren’t a bad person. You aren’t a dumb person. You are someone who has been put into an often impossible situation, and you are doing the best you can.