Let’s Start Here…

Starting with my story is probably the best place to start in this journey together. I want you to know why this project is so important to me.

We have to go back 10 years ago…well, it might go back further than that, but we’ll stick to a smaller timeline. In 2013 we bought our first home in Hamilton, Ontario. We lived here while I commuted by train to Toronto. It was exhausting, but worth it since we got to have something that was ours..

When I noticed certain changes in my husband in 2012, we were referred to a psychiatrist at St. Joes Hospital in Hamilton. I clearly remember the Doctor telling us that we needed to pay attention to signs, and take action immediately. And you know what we did after that meeting? We laughed – no way was my husband crazy?! This guy was a joke….

My husband was then referred to a small clinic where they began performing assessments. I kept reassuring them that my husband was fine, but they seemed to think he needed help…but I ignored them….after all…. I was the one holding down a job, commuting two hours every day, taking care of the finances…

My husbands behaviour grew more concerning and we finally called in help, a crisis unit called COAST. He was taken to the hospital, assessed and then released with a prescription for managing…what – we weren’t sure, because they never actually gave a diagnosis or direction. They simply sent him home.

It was the fall of 2013 when things got worse. On a Monday night in October I once again called for help. This call would set up a chain of events that would lead my husband to be taken to the hospital to get help, finally!

That’s when the doctor finally gave us a diagnosis. So, there was something wrong, I thought, what a relief! The next few months were probably the most difficult in my life – my husband was admitted to a psych unit, I moved into my parents house, we sold our house and I sat down with my dad to figure out how to get out of the enormous amount of debt I had found myself in… and I finally stopped struggling in silence.

I also started to heal myself. I remember getting a call from the hospital asking me to come in so that my husband’s health team could talk to me… and I deleted the message. It sounds so horrible now, but looking back, I was so emotionally exhausted, I just didn’t want to do this anymore.

But I’m glad I did. My husband and I fought our way back together, and finally, after being separated for six months, found a small apartment downtown and started the next chapter of our life.

That chapter over the last 10 years has included several more stays at a psych ward, one stay in the ICU, some more heartache, celebrations and, of course, lots of learning and growing.

The good side of it? In 2018 my husband encouraged me to go back to school… so I did, and in the summer of 2023 I graduated with my BA in Psychology, and this winter I will have my Certificate of Law.

I am also so proud of my husband. Life can be difficult facing the reality of struggling with one’s mental health, but he perseveres through it all. Everyday I am grateful for his partnership and friendship.

There is so much of this journey that I want to share with you and we will get to it all. But we all start somewhere, so if you feel like you are doing it alone, you aren’t. But we don’t have to hide anything – we can share in the journey together, so I hope you stick around.