A few weeks ago I was driving home from Toronto after attending a conference. It was raining, and it was the 401. So, naturally, I wanted to pull my hair out. But there was one point in the drive – being stuck between large trucks and people trying to cut each other off – that I felt this very intense attack of anxiety and panic. It was like I wanted to crawl out of my skin, cry, and scream all at the same time.
You see, I was caring for my neighbour’s dogs while she was in the hospital, my dog was at home, my knees and legs were cramping up, and Google was telling me that I would arrive at my destination at 7:15pm…. and it was currently 4:30pm. The world was closing in.
I kept telling myself – the dogs have pee pads, Mike is home – EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.
Being the person who is constantly the one taking control of things at home, whether it’s ensuring rent is paid, grocery lists are written, the car has gas, or we contact the super to fix a leaky sink… it gets piled onto my shoulders more times than not. So when things go wrong, like 3 hours wrong, I panic…because I feel like no one else will do it, that I’m responsible and things will fall apart if I’m not there.
At the Mental Health Conference I was attending in Toronto (that dreaded commute day) … the keynote speaker made a comment about how to help people. When someone is physically sick, we often show up at their house with a casserole, or we offer to drive someone to their doctor’s appointment. We provide practical solutions to help. So why can’t we do that for someone who is sick with mental health issues?
And… why can’t we do that for caregivers? When it comes to my car, my parents have always been on hand to help me out when needed, even taking it to get cleaned a few times. Do you know how much that took off my plate… not that I had it on a physical list, but knowing it wasn’t sitting in the back of mind…was really nice.
Caregivers get a lot thrown their way, kids, houses, jobs, finances… so it’s easy to understand how you feel solely responsible, and how easy it is to panic when things don’t go right.
If someone you know is asking how they can help, tell them – it’s the little things – getting the oil changed, walking the dog, mowing the lawn. If you are reading this and you know someone who might have a lot on their plate as a caregiver, consider ways that will help ease their mind. It can make a big difference in their day or week – when just one thing gets taken off their plate, it provides a much welcome relief.
And remember… don’t drive on the 401 during rush hour. Ever.
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